Being a mom can feel overwhelming at times. There is just no way to prepare for becoming a parent. It quite literally feels like one day you’re expecting a baby then the next day you’re a mom. You are completely responsible for a little life that utterly depends on you for everything! I think something I really strived for was not to just be a ‘good’ mom but to find simple ways to be a confident mom.
What is a confident mom? What does a confident mom look like?
For myself, I define it as a mom who loves and enjoys being Madison’s mom (my daughter). A mother who can lovingly encourage and uplift other moms, in all stages of parenthood.
Being a mom is about loving and caring for the well-being of your child. This can look different for all moms but there is a common factor: your child is healthy and happy. Being a mom means you’re constantly adapting and learning on the go. Making changes on the go and making the best call based on your mom-gut.
No matter what, there will be beautifully challenging times in the parenting journey. And yes, I intentionally chose to say, “beautifully challenging”. Motherhood can be excruciatingly draining, exhausting, and weirdly within the same minute, wonderfully exhilarating.
Motherhood doesn’t lack its world-shattering challenges, but you can tackle these one at a time by growing as a parent with each new challenge you overcome. As my wonderful fellow-mom would say, “you level up.” So, here are 15 simple ways you can be a confident mom.
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1. Maintain a learning mindset
As I said earlier, in your journey of motherhood you will be constantly facing new challenges with your child(ren). You need to have an open mind to always be learning.
There are always new studies, parenting tips, and research out there regarding parenting and raising your child at every stage of their development.
The best part is, all this information is available for you to take and apply and tweak to your parenting style. If you really want, you can invest in courses that package the information in the best way to help you.
I’ve learned so much from this book and I’ve been adapting these lessons in my own style of “mothering”. The courses I mentioned? Check out this site on baby sleep or this one, on healthy eating relationships for your little one.
2. Take care of yourself – mentally and physically
Something I learned early on is, if you want to be a happy and confident mom, you need to make sure that your needs as a woman, a wife, and as a person are met. How can you make the best decisions for your child with confidence when your brain is fuzzy and you’re feeling so tired all the time?
It is hard to be engaged with your child and be present with them when you yourself have been lacking in your needs. Don’t miss out on days that will soon be gone because you’re tired or feeling out of sorts.
Take sometime for yourself. Incorporate it into your daily routines. Take those 2 napping hours and make that spa appointment. Ask your partner to take the kids once a week so you can sleep in. Make that Mani/Pedi appointment on the weekend and enjoy yourself. Don’t feel guilty mama. You need this too.
3. Practice forgiveness
The art of forgiveness is an important piece to becoming a confident mom. Forgive yourself for mistakes that you will make and have made. Motherhood is an ever-changing journey and there will be lots to learn along the way.
Holding onto the mistakes you’ve made in your parenting journey only hinders you from becoming the confident mom you can be. Forgive yourself for mistakes you and every other mom have made at one time or another. Your child has already forgiven you. You can’t move forward without it. Give yourself grace to move on.
4. Trust your mom-gut
When someone first mentioned to me “mom-gut”, I was like, is that real??
Turns out, it is totally real! You have got this mama. There is no other mom better or best equipped to be your babe’s mom than you! If you’re feeling unsure of something, trust that mom-gut. It will help you make the best decision for your babe.
With each decision you make trusting your mom-gut, you will become more and more confident in your abilities to care for your child.
When I first starting making decisions based on my mom-gut, I was super nervous. I wasn’t sure if it was right. Was I applying what I learned properly? After all, I am a first time mom. However, my daughter’s health, development and smiles each day told me I was doing a good job. It also helps to have a mom-community who can provide you with their experiences and give you some reassurance too.
5. Never stop learning
Remember when I said you need to keep a learning mindset? It is one thing to be open to learning but you have to put in the effort to learn.
Much like a doctor or a professor or any other professional, the work of a mom is a dynamic and lifelong journey. The knowledge and science and research are always developing. Not necessarily changing but becoming more fine-tuned.
Definitely keep an open mind to learn and grow as a parent but more importantly actually, learn. Learn from the experts you trust. Don’t be afraid to try new things you’ve learned, children are so adaptable and open to new things and changes.
Give yourself opportunities to learn and grow from the amazing resources out there.
6. Let your other identities shine
Being a mother is a life-changing identity and purpose. However, you carry more identities than only a mom. Before becoming a mother, you were a wife, girlfriend, daughter, and sister.
Some of you, a scholar, a student, a badass boss babe, an entrepreneur, an athlete, a musician, and I’m sure the list goes on and on!
Don’t forget you are all these things and lose yourself in just being a mom. All these identities feed into your ability as a mother. Nourish these other identities that make you who you are and see the amazing results..
7. Invest in a mom-community
Have you heard the saying that it takes a village to raise a child? Well, maybe it doesn’t take a whole village but it definitely does take a small group of wonderful women.
I have to say that having my small mom-community has been a lifesaver. They have encouraged and uplifted me during hard times but also invited me into their hardships. They’ve given me opportunities to grow with them and learn from them.
Navigating motherhood together through encouraging and receiving encouragement has helped me to grow as a parent and really boosted my confidence as a first-time mom.
Let me introduce you to these amazing ladies. Starting from the left is Grace, she’s the founder of Theo and Elly. That’s me next to her. That gorgeous mama in the middle is also Grace. Then Rina, from Rina Ryu Photography and my good friend Sena, fellow girl mama and Instagram influencer. Check them out on Instagram and learn from their amazing motherhood experiences.
8. Be honest about how you are feeling
There will be many challenges. I’ve had my fair share and it has only been my first year. The challenges of parenthood can take you to places you didn’t even know you could go with your thoughts and feeling and those feelings are okay.
There is definitely no greater reward than raising your beautiful babe. However, motherhood is one of the hardest journeys you will embark on. It is important to be honest with how you are feeling and share them with people you trust. Check out my post on postpartum depression.
What is not okay, is hiding or ignoring those feelings. Don’t let the negative emotions fester and grow in the dark but shine a light on it so that it can be addressed. When you bring it into the light you will see that you’re not alone in those feelings. These are common feelings and emotions. There are ways to overcome and grow from them.
9. Celebrate small victories
Even the smallest of wins in motherhood is something to be celebrated! Each victory big or small will boost your confidence as a mom. Take these small wins and take joy in the good job you’ve done.
Celebrate, YAY! You did the dishes today!
WHOOT! WHOOT! A load of laundry was washed, folded, and put away this week!
OH SNAP! You ran some errands today with your kiddo, ALONE?!?! Daang GIRL! (Let’s be honest this last one is a HUGE WIN.)
Sometimes in motherhood, it will feel like you have no control at all. Sometimes you’re going to have to let go of that need for control and allow yourself the grace to celebrate something that is different from your previous standards.
Standards need to be adjusted. This doesn’t mean your standards are lower, just different. Children change the game completely, whether it is one, or two, or five. You have to roll with it and see how amazing and fun it can be. Celebrate those small victories. It is a big deal.
10. Give yourself grace
It is so easy to come down on yourself when you make a mistake and your babe and the rest of the family suffer for it. However, it is so important to remember that being a mom has its challenges.
Motherhood is one of the greatest things we can do with our lives and with that you know it isn’t going to be easy. You will make mistakes and you will learn from them. Next time you will face a similar situation and you will nail it. Mom-guilt is normal but don’t let it overwhelm you.
Being a woman is much harder than being a man (according to my husband). In many households, the dad may be the face of the family but the woman, the wife, the mom; is the power source. You are amazing but you are also human. Don’t come down on yourself so hard. You are doing such a wonderful job balancing everything you do. Have grace for yourself. You are a work in progress as a human and as a mom.
11. Take joy in the small things
Many husbands probably have heard, “a happy wife is a happy life”. It is similarly true that a happy mom is a happy and healthy kid. Okay… it doesn’t rhyme but I think we all know it’s true.
There are great joys in being a parent but it can get lost in the routines, feedings, and diaper changes. It can get mundane. However, live in the moment you are in and enjoy it. Take joy in it because children grow so quickly. I can’t emphasize this enough. Your child will not slow down growing up.
So, that thing your baby did? Savor it. Get it on video. That weird joke your toddler told you? Laugh out loud and laugh hard, mama. Enjoy it. The joys will always feel fleeting so enjoy as many as you can and for as long as you can.
12. Make time for yourself
You’re an amazing mom. You sacrifice your body, your time, your job, your comforts and everything else at one time or another. You need to take time for yourself to recuperate and be your best self, at least once in a while.
Only as your best self can you be the best confident mom you can be. A friend of mine wisely takes a day off from work, leaves her child in daycare but takes the whole day, all to herself. She goes shopping, meets friends, cleans her house, or workout. Whatever she needs to feel like herself and fill her tank.
Early on in our parenting journey, my husband and I both agreed that weekends are family time. So when I wanted to go out on a Saturday, baby-free, I felt guilty. I felt like a bad mom, leaving my husband to take care of our daughter, instead of giving my babe full attention and love from both of us.
My husband reminded me that I am with her all day, every day. There isn’t anything wrong with needing uninterrupted time to myself. When my husband is not working, he can be there to “dad” 100%, meaning I don’t have to feel guilty. If I take maybe one Saturday a month for myself, this allows me to be in the best mental and emotional space to be there 100% for all the other family days.
13. Encourage yourself and other moms
Being a mother is a unique experience; one that is full and enjoyable when done within a community. Share your stories and listen to the stories of other moms. Encourage one another and be encouraged by their achievements and wins.
Only by supporting and encouraging your fellow mamas to be confident moms can you grow into a confident mom too.
14. Reach out for help
A confident mama isn’t one who knows all the answers but who knows when they need help and reach out for it.
A confident mom is sure of what she knows and is wise enough to admit there are things she doesn’t know. Not knowing something about motherhood and raising a child does not, and I repeat DOES NOT make you a “bad mom”. It makes you human. Reaching out for help makes you a smart human.
A gap in your knowledge does not reflect negatively on us but reminds us that we need help from our friends and family.
15. Practice patience and calm
It is easy to get frazzled when your child is wailing and fussing and cranky but practicing patience with your child as much as possible and staying calm during the storm not only makes you appear as a confident mom, but will eventually make you a confident mom.
Your child, especially at a young age, struggles to communicate with you and express themselves. This results in so much crying, fussing, and tantrums. I found that when I remained calm, my daughter eventually calmed. She fed off my energy and how I was feeling. One of the first lessons I learned as a mom was to be patient with my babe.
The journey of confident motherhood is an ongoing challenge. However, these 15 ways of living and being a mother will help you get there one day at at time. Confidence is not something you’re born with but it is something you gain and emulate in your daily living.
I hope these 15 ways to be a confident mom will help you be the best you can be. You as a mom, wife, daughter, sister, and amazing human being.
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